MOUTHFULLS IN NEW YORK

Chick: Do you ever wonder if we'll get tired of being so rich? You know, like what if later in life we randomly, like, decide to renounce our possessions or something drastic and move to Africa?

Man: What, are you saying you don't enjoy our lifestyle anymore?Chick: I don't know... hey, do you wanna get some coke later?

--82nd & 1st

NEW YORK


Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]

Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

--Union Square

NEW YORK

Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.

Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.

Mom: I've heard that one before.

--33rd & 7th

NEW YORK


God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!

Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?

Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.--4 train

NEW YORK

Blond Tourist Bimbo: I've never even heard of the G Train.

Blond Local Bimbo: Yeah, it's a ghetto train.

Blond Tourist Bimbo: Where does it go?

Blond Local Bimbo: Nowhere.

Black eight-year-old boy: Except my home, bitch.

--G train Hoyt/Schermerhorn station

NEW YORK


Tourist man: Pardon me, officer, can you tell us where Orchard Street is?

Cop: See that naked Chinese guy?

Tourist man: Ummm...Yeah.

Cop: Walk down to him and make a left.

Tourist man: Um, thanks.

Cop: No problem.

--Delancey & Allen

NEW YORK

Guy: Is it just me, or does being sick make you really horny?

Girl: I'm pretty sure it's just you.

Guy: Oh. Well that may be because I'm just really horny all the time.

Girl: Then get away from me and watch some pornos.

Guy: I don't think that's the remedy I had in mind.

Random guy: There's no shame in masturbating, my brotha. It's totally natural. Hell, I do it all the time. I just did it five minutes ago in the Starbucks bathroom.

Girl: Run!

--Union Square

NEW YORK

Lady: You're making me wet... I SAID you're making me wet.

Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.

Lady: With your umbrella.

Man: I'm flattered, but it's not that big.

--1 train

NEW YORK