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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically,
I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

Top Ten Most Ironic Celebrity Deaths

10) Ellen DeGeneres -- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci -- Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Farah Fawcett -- Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra -- Killed by Stranglers in the Night

6) RuPaul -- Prostate cancer

5) O.J. Simpson -- Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna -- Exposure

3) Unabomber -- Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage"

2) Al Gore -- Dutch Elm Disease

and the *Predicted*

NUMBER ONE MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATH IS:

1) Bill Gates -- Falls out of a Window

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13 celeb says what on love

13) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone)

12) "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." (Barbara Bush, Former US First Lady)

11) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word , meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)

10) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." (Billy Crystal)

9) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." (Rod Stewart)

8) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're eager to meet people who do." (Henry Kissinger)

7) "My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what she's reading." (Steve Jobs, Founder: Apple Computer)

6) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee, the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." (Dan Rather, News anchorman)

5) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" (Arnold Schwartzenegger)

4) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Tiger Woods)

3) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." (Roseanne)

2) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. (Robert De Niro)

1) AND THE NUMBER ONE QUOTE IS:
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. (Robin Williams)